My Lord: out now

Available in paperback & eBook

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🌟 New

17May'23: My Lord:

• Interview by Claire Olivia Golden

17 May'23:

Queer, slow-burn erotic gothic horror novel.

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1 Feb'23:
Short story

Paranormal horror.

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31 Oct'22:
Short story

Body horror. Eldritch.

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✨ Featured Works

📚 Published

My Lord

A queer, slow-burn erotic gothic horror novel about rediscovering yourself after trauma—with kinky, blood-drinking immortals and polyamory.✸ A transcended story

"You try to comfort yourself with visions of events that didn't happen, but that doesn't mean that what did happen left no scars."

Lord Deminas is known to be cruel. Yet, he's rather protective of Meya, his new chambermaid, and punishes anyone who dares hurt her. Servants regularly vanish, and with the Lord now drinking her blood, Meya and her paramour need to avoid the same happening to either of them.

Content warning: Abduction, off-page and non-graphic sexual abuse (rape is condemned and sexual abusers are killed), explicit sexual content (consent is emphasised), kink (wax play, knife and blood play, primal play, bondage, and mention of spanking and breath play), graphic violence, gore, death, vampirism, cannibalism, and illness (pneumonia).

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📖 Free-to-Read

• Article "Writing polyam & sex"
• Article "Writing sex when grey-asexual"
• Article "Writing horror & trauma"

They call him Lucius

A contemporary horror novel
~ Queer, PTSD & anxiety rep.✸ A transcended story
~ Features characters from MY LORD

There's power in a name.A decade of torture at the hands of the cannibal Lucius has left Amy traumatised. Yet, she remains resilient and is determined to find a way out of his grasp. She will reclaim her freedom one way or another—even if that means becoming someone or something else entirely.

Content warning: Sexual themes (nothing explicit), detailed gore, extreme violence & abuse, gaslighting, selfharm, suicidal thoughts, suicide, ritualistic human sacrifice, & cannibalism. There is mention of suggested/threatened sexual abuse but none happens.

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Souls Entwined

A short story from the universe of "Millennium"

Dark fantasy. Tragic romance.

Two demons banned from being together due to their opposing factions, Th'Erzagar refuses to let Agni's soul be withered as punishment for his love of her. She'll save him—or die trying.

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📚 All Published Works

My Lord

A queer, slow-burn erotic gothic horror novel about rediscovering yourself after trauma—with kinky, blood-drinking immortals and polyamory.✸ A transcended story

"You try to comfort yourself with visions of events that didn't happen, but that doesn't mean that what did happen left no scars."

Lord Deminas is known to be cruel. Yet, he's rather protective of Meya, his new chambermaid, and punishes anyone who dares hurt her. Servants regularly vanish, and with the Lord now drinking her blood, Meya and her paramour need to avoid the same happening to either of them.

Content warning: Abduction, off-page and non-graphic sexual abuse (rape is condemned and sexual abusers are killed), explicit sexual content (consent is emphasised), kink (wax play, knife and blood play, primal play, bondage, and mention of spanking and breath play), graphic violence, gore, death, vampirism, cannibalism, and illness (pneumonia).

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Mirrormaze

A dreampunk anthology
~ Features Shimaira's short story "Visual Snow"

We find ourselves in a very strange place.Technology is embedded so deeply in our lives that it no longer feels separate. It's taken for granted, like breathing. Whatever can be imagined can be experienced, if not in the "real" world then somewhere else. Somewhere better. This is our new reality. We live inside our heads, in our dreams.
Come navigate a labyrinth of visions, illusions, nightmares, and fantasies. Explore the nascent genre of dreampunk with 22 of its finest authors as they examine and transform the dreamscapes that we call our lives. Get lost among the twists and turns, ascending to the upper limits of both wonder and dread.Do you dare enter the Mirrormaze?

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• Amazon

Bad Neighborhood

An extreme horror anthology
~ Features Shimaira's short story "Insanity"

In this chilling horror collection, 29 writers and poets have come together to share tales of the grotesque, the supernatural, and more. Their words will pluck you from your comfort zone and leave you for dead, or worse. Have you ever considered where evil bides its time when it’s not outside your door? What disturbing locale could make it feel safe? We've all heard that home is where the heart is, but alas, that heart is sometimes racing…We hope you live in a good neighborhood.

• Amazon: Ebook & Audiobook

📖 Free-to-Read Works

They call him Lucius

A contemporary horror novel
~ Queer, PTSD & anxiety rep.✸ A transcended story
~ Features characters from MY LORD

There's power in a name.A decade of torture at the hands of the cannibal Lucius has left Amy traumatised. Yet, she remains resilient and is determined to find a way out of his grasp. She will reclaim her freedom one way or another—even if that means becoming someone or something else entirely.

Content warning: Sexual themes, detailed gore, extreme violence & abuse, gaslighting, selfharm, suicidal thoughts, suicide, ritualistic human sacrifice, & cannibalism. There is mention of suggested/threatened sexual abuse but none happens.

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• Playlist
• Merchandise

📰 Articles

• "Writing polyam & sex"
• "Writing sex when grey-asexual"
• "Writing horror & trauma"

📃 Short Stories

Witte Wieven

Paranormal horror.The fog hides both good and evil.
~
A contemporary story featuring Dutch folklore.

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Conch

Body horror. Eldritch.Some things found on the beach are better left alone—especially if it seems like an offering on a strange altar.

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Souls Entwined

A story from the universe of "Millennium"

Dark fantasy. Tragic romance.

Two demons banned from being together due to their opposing factions, Th'Erzagar refuses to let Agni's soul be withered as punishment for his love of her. She'll save him—or die trying.

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Want

Horror/thriller.He wanted to kill me, but I lived. Now he just wants me.After almost getting murdered, Evalyn finds her would-be killer now stalks her instead. He manages to keep eluding the police, and home security doesn't offer much protection either. As her life slowly falls apart, Evalyn can only hope her murderous stalker doesn't get what he wants.

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• Hollow

Science Fiction.
~ A novella written as part of a contest: The Herculean Challenge. Runner-up 🏆This is how the world ends. Not with a bang, or a nuclear war, or a plague, or even Yellowstone erupting. No, it ends with the Earth's inner sun burping massive amounts of radiation into our atmosphere. So where does that leave the few of us who are still alive?

• Poetry Collection

Fractal PoetryCome, and take a glimpse into my mind...A collection of all the fractals I've made and the accompanying poetry I've written through the years.

📺 Interviews, Podcasts & More

• MY LORD: Reviews & More

Guest on "What the Book" (Podcast)

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Interview by Eldritch Girl (Podcast)

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• Transcript

• My Lord: Interview by Claire Olivia Golden
• InSainH: Indie Book Gush & Interview by ES Hurricane
• THE DEAD DON'T DREAM, read by L.A. Rivers @30:50

🌸 About L.B. Shimaira

TL;DR:
L.B. Shimaira (she/they) writes dark fiction.
The majority of her works are inspired by her own dreams and nightmares, giving them a vivid sense of realism. She's autistic, struggled with depression as a teen, and received therapy for PTSD in 2019.
Polyamory tends to sneak into her works, even if just a notion, and LGBTQ+ characters are always present in her novels.
She herself is queer, polyamorous, pan grey-asexual and idemromantic.

L.B. Shimaira is from the Netherlands, born in 1989, married and a mother. She has a Bachelor of Applied Science degree and currently works as a research technician, where she helps develop vaccines.She considers herself a horror addict, having been into the genre since she was a little kid. As she often finds horror too predictable, she enjoys trying to make her works full of surprises.The majority of her works are inspired by her own dreams and nightmares, giving them a vivid sense of realism. She's autistic, struggled with depression as a teen, and received therapy for PTSD in 2019.She is polyamorous and currently identifies as pan grey-asexual idemromantic. She uses both she/her and they/them pronouns. Thinking about her own gender too much can give her quite the headache—especially since feelings fluctuate—so the term quoigender fits her best, though she's fine calling herself female. As there are a lot of labels, it's often easier to simply say she's queer.
Polyamory tends to sneak into her works, even if just a notion, and LGBTQ+ characters are always present in her novels.On Wattpad, she shares some of her work. The first part of her horror novel They call him Lucius was featured by Wattpad itself for 3 years (2014-2017), and a paranormal thriller she co-wrote with the user Godhand under the name G.S. Lucent was featured for Halloween of 2019. She has won several user-run awards on the platform.
In May 2020, she joined the Wattpad Stars and remained a star until it disbanded at the end of 2022. She continued her Wattpad journey as a Wattpad Creator.Gurt Dog Press welcomed her as a proofreader at the start of 2021, and she helped them out until they closed at the end of January, 2023. She will also proofread for friends when spoons permit.

Occasionally, she models for Picturesque.

✍ On writing polyam & sex

One of the things that "stand out" about my published book MY LORD is the fact that it features polyamory. For the people wondering, yes, I am polyamorous myself. When it comes to polyam, or even just non-monogamy, my husband and I have been that way from almost the very start of our relationship—though, at the time, we lacked proper terms to describe the nature of our dynamic. I won't go into the details of it all, but suffice to say there's plenty of experience that I can draw on for my writing.

Be aware that from this point on, I'll be discussing my book and there will be slight spoilers in regards to the relationship dynamics and one of the later sex scenes.

When I started writing MY LORD, I initially did not intend for it to feature polyam, but my characters tend to have a life of their own and well… Things happened. I had also intended for things to get heated a lot sooner, but the main character Meya was dealing with her trauma and was simply not having it (rightfully so!). By the time things finally did escalate, her relationship with Nina was so established, there was no way they were going to end that. And thus, the polyam came in.Nina was well aware of Meya's conflicting emotions that had been going on for quite some time—they actually spoke a lot about it, so to Nina, it didn't come as a surprise at all (I'd argue Meya was more surprised than Nina was, haha). Lord Deminas was also aware of Meya and Nina being together, and he saw no reason why that couldn't continue. If Meya wanted to love the both of them, that was her decision, and there was no jealousy from Nina or Deminas.I really dislike jealousy, so I enjoyed leaving that out—though Meya did experience a pang of jealousy when she was quite ill, but I hope readers can relate to the fact that, when sick, our demeanours tend to change along with our emotional needs. (I myself can become quite emotionally fragile and unstable when sick…)One of the moments in the book that I personally love, and excuse my vagueness as I try to avoid spoilers, is when a big decision needed to be made regarding Meya. Lord Deminas made sure to also check Nina's opinion on the matter instead of ignoring her. Meya isn't just his, she's also Nina's, and he values Nina as an equal on that front.When it comes to sex, I know a lot of people both expect and want to see threesomes simply because Meya ends up having two partners. Initially, I didn't include any such scenes because I felt happily evil for withholding that kind of content… But then I saw such a perfect opening… and included a foursome instead.Now, I should say that just because a story has polyam it doesn't mean there have to be any threesomes—or any sex at all—as you don't need sex to have a valid relationship, polyam or otherwise. But MY LORD is a sexual story and the foursome was a natural progression of the plot. It also helped show Meya's journey in regards to working through her trauma and becoming more comfortable with her sexual self.Writing the foursome was a lot of fun, as once again the characters took the reins and refused to do what I had initially planned and did something else instead—which ended up being so much better. The scene went from two one-on-one to having one of the characters being the focus. I am quite pleased that the entire scene has no "penis in vagina", if only because I wanted to show there are more ways to have fun than just that.Another thing I am really happy with is how that entire scene emphasised consent and that there was no pressure to engage. The women were told multiple times that they were free to leave if they wanted to. Nina also made sure to check on Meya several times to see if she was still comfortable with it all. There were some hard-limits stated and abided, and there was also a limit that in the end got adjusted as Meya was enjoying herself to the point that she was okay with changing it—she was still the one in control and made sure to state her new limits, and they were respected.When it comes to sex, consent and communication are very important. This is even more the case when multiple partners are involved. It's easy to feel obligated to do things because you don't want to ruin the fun of others and end up doing things you're not comfortable with. Please, do yourself and your partner(s) a favour and always communicate your desires and limits and don't feel pressured to do things you don't want to do.Sadly, I've been in a situation where one of the people involved in a foursome felt pressured and only went along with it to please their partner. Thankfully, I noticed they weren't comfortable and terminated the scene. Their partner, however, didn't seem to care much for what happened or that they were unhappy. And while that relationship didn't last long (surprise!), we did remain friends for several years before we lost contact.So yeah… Please always check on your partner(s) and make sure there's enthusiastic consent all around, and not just at the beginning but throughout. If you feel uncomfortable, say so. If you're no longer enjoying yourself for whatever reason, speak up. Consent can be revoked at any time, by yourself or your partner(s), and when this happens it needs to be respected. Provide some aftercare too when that happens and talk about it. Things like this can make a relationship stronger when handled well, or have it start to fray and fall apart when handled poorly.

• Article "Writing sex when grey-asexual"
• Article "Writing horror & trauma"

✍ On writing sex when (grey-)asexual

Asexuality remains one of the lesser known orientations and a lot of people don't know they are on the asexual spectrum, simply because they don't know it exists. I was one of them. I only found out a few years ago, and even then I had learned of the term a few years prior yet dismissed it because of the prejudices I held.Being asexual means someone doesn't experience sexual attraction, or only rarely or under specific circumstances (like after forming a close bond with someone).
That's it. It says nothing about someone's desire to engage in sexual acts or their libido. While there are asexuals who are sex repulsed, there are also asexuals who do enjoy the act of sex—and those who fall in the latter group are still asexual because they don't experience sexual attraction the way allosexuals do.I have to remind myself of the above regularly though, because I am very sex positive (yet my own stance on sex tends to fluctuate between favourable and indifferent). Yet here I am, having published a book that's an erotic gothic horror!I still feel very uncertain about my skills when it comes to writing sex scenes, because I've honestly not read that many books with sexual content (actually, I'm not sure if any of the physical books I got have sex scenes). Sure, I've consumed my fair share of fanfics as a teen and there were plenty that had sexual content—though the quality of those was rather diverse. It doesn't really help either that I am quite romance repulsed (unless it's part of a darker story and the romance aspect is not the main focal point).On Wattpad, I also come across sexual content, but those too are of varied quality. Thanks to the community on Twitter, I've also seen plenty of posts about what does and what doesn't work in sex scenes—from words to avoid (like "moist" seems to be universally hated, haha) or what not to name certain body parts (though these things tend to come down to taste, as some people like direct words while others prefer a more poetic approach), everyone does seem to agree on one thing: know what you are talking about. (So no; no surprise butt-sex without any prep or lube!)
Luckily for me, I've experimented plenty through the years and been part of the kink community with multiple friends who loved sharing their experiences too. Being sex positive has ensured I do enjoy talking about sex with friends a lot in the same way people can talk about their favourite series or game.
It was actually one of the bigger revelations for me when I realised I was grey-asexual: I suddenly understood why I don't need to feel sexually attracted to someone to do anything sexual with them (there were plenty of sexual partners where I wasn't even aesthetically attracted to them). Perhaps I might be a bit reciprosexual in that regard.MY LORD actually started out on FetLife years ago, but I quickly learned I was unable to write a pure erotica because I just found that boring. So, over the span of three years, the story grew and evolved to what it is today (excluding recent edits and bonus content).
I am quite the pantser and I tend to let my characters guide the plot I've set out. With MY LORD, it quickly became clear that certain things were just not going to happen. Lord Deminas and Meya were not going to have sex any time soon, with one of the reasons being that Meya had trauma to deal with first.
When sex scenes finally did decide to want to be written, I again let the characters guide what was going to be on paper. There were several scenes I had planned out, but when I went to write them, the characters just refused or had other ideas in mind.The scenes itself were sometimes hard to write, if only because I found that I lacked the vocabulary to describe certain parts in a way that I deemed to be in good taste. I prefer direct words for certain things. You won't catch me using "pleasure bud" or referring to a vagina as some sort of flower. (Though I might consider using the term "meat curtains" in a different novel in a more comedic setting, hehehe.) But some words just don't sound/read nice on paper. The first time I wrote "clitoris" I was feeling a bit of shame—and even more so when I posted it online and had others read those words that I had written.
I've also avoided referring to how big someone's penis is, because it actually annoys me to no end how a lot of sex scenes like to make them huge monstrosities. Do people not realise that size doesn't matter, but rather what someone does with it? (And I am saying this out of experience.) Sure, I know there are those who do enjoy huge dicks, but I fear that it being such a common thing in fiction sets unrealistic expectations for sex involving a penis.Since I am not a good judge of how good a sex scene is, I had to rely on early readers to tell me, but no matter how many people say I've done a good job, there will always remain some doubt because tastes differ so much. Some people might find I included too much detail while some might find it not enough. Some might find my language use abrasive whereas others might consider it refreshing. But please, dear reader, do feel free to tell me your thoughts if you ever decide to pick up a copy of my book—and yes, you may tell this sex-positive asexual author if they've done a good job or not. Your feedback will either help boost my confidence, or it'll help me improve my craft.

• Article "Writing polyam & sex"
• Article "Writing horror & trauma"

✍ On writing horror & trauma

Writing is therapy—at least for me. I started writing for fun and because my classmates were doing it (hooray for fanfics!), but I was already writing my bad dreams and nightmares in a dream journal as a way to process them. The first short story I wrote was "They call him Lucius" (now novel-length, but the original (part 1: Blood) was just a novella) back in 2013. I had had multiple dreams featuring the same character, and it rather messed with my head, so I decided to write it down. It was already a pretty decent storyline, and it didn't take much to string it all together into one coherent story.I knew I had "issues" and wrote my fair share of poetry when I was still struggling with depression as a teen and young adult, but for some reason, I didn't think I was traumatised. Even after having a lot of chats with a friend about PTSD, I didn't think I had it. Maybe it was denial, maybe it was imposter syndrome. (The hated "others have it so much worse" notion—so let me remind you: your trauma is valid. Your feelings are valid.)It wasn't until I had an actual "trigger" event during Xmas 2018 that I began to spiral, and by early 2019 I was unable to work. I got referred to therapy and "PTSD" was added to my medical records. It was late spring/early summer when I started to slowly return to work. I still get triggered at times, but they aren't as bad anymore and I'm able to bounce back much faster—all thanks to therapy.After all this, I reread the novels I had written previously and was rather surprised to find I had included PTSD and anxiety quite accurately without even realising. I finished "They call him Lucius" after Xmas 2018, yet the things I wrote before that were dealing with what I know as "the call of the void". It was something I struggled with a lot in the months leading up to Xmas, so perhaps the PTSD hammer was already preparing to swing by that time.Something my therapist said really stuck with me. She mused that it hit me now—years later—because I was finally in a good enough space, also emotionally, to finally start working through it. Considering all I've been writing, I'm pretty sure she was right.Some of the other short stories I wrote over the years were also a way to help me deal with their "fucked-up-ness" but sharing them as fiction does bring some anxiety. I've always been quite honest and would add at the end that it was inspired by or a retelling of a bad dream or nightmare. On Wattpad, some would get me quite some comments from readers who were rather… shocked by that revelation, but I would just laugh it off. (More denial?) Some even expressed concern and told me to seek therapy… Well, I did eventually, haha.I enjoy writing darker stuff. I want to scare my readers. On my Wattpad profile, I added a quote from the song "Divide" by Disturbed: "It's your shock and then your horror on which I feed." Because yes: I want people to be freaked out. Perhaps it is a way of feeling validated. Because if people reading my stories have such a reaction, then my reaction is valid too.
Furthermore, writing about mental health issues—hopefully—helps to remove the stigma. One of my favourite books deals with mental health: "I never promised you a rose garden" by Joanne Greenberg/Hannah Green. Yet even though I read that as a teen, I still didn't learn from it and failed to acknowledge my own struggles properly. But then again, me not acknowledging my own needs was something I had to work on in therapy.So, looking back on everything I've written so far, the common theme of trauma is there, but also: sexual abuse. One of my (now drafted for rewriting/edits) novels had quite a lot of that. I know not everyone wants to read about it. I know some even hate it when it's used as a plot device or for character progression… But, to me, writing about that is therapeutic. I want to see my characters get broken down by horrible events—and then build themselves back up. I want to see them work through it all and come out at the end, still alive and kicking (ass). This applies to everything I put my characters through if I am honest.
I want people to see the devastation of (any kind of) trauma, the working through it, the process of healing and fall-backs, and eventually the rising above it.
But also, I just want to show readers that this kind of stuff is real and not something that should be glorified or romanticised. Especially when it comes to sexual abuse, there are a lot of fictional stories out there that just… gloss over it. And I want to show the real horror of it—and that it's possible to heal from it (even if it does leave scars). Maybe my stories are not for everyone because of this—as some people who have been through sexual abuse may find it triggering—but for some, it might actually help them feel seen. It might give them hope to see a character go through a hell they can relate to, and to see them survive and rise above it.With that said, I'll leave you with the biggest lesson I learned in therapy: be kind to yourself. Allow yourself time to heal. Allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself to be.

• Article "Writing polyam & sex"
• Article "Writing sex when grey-asexual"